Stacey wrote:one thing I would suggest is taking your practice as uke in uchi komi and nage komi seriously. As uke, you're being taught what your body must do for tori to get the throw. Feel for weaknesses in the throw - if you were resisting, what would be the easiest way to resist? What could you do up to kake and taking the fall to resist? What of your throwing repertoire can be used as a counter, or when that particular throw doesn't establish proper kuzushi, or lets up on the pull or whatever? Then, work on those things when you are allowed to actively resist in randori.
But, generally, I'd say don't worry so much about being thrown - you can't be thrown if you're not being active and trying stuff out. If you're not being thrown, you're not learning.
Building on what Ms. Stacey says, sounds like you are caught in the "not losing" eddy ... which is VERY difficult to swim out of. Take heart, you are certainly not splashing around in there alone. (I once "swam" Lower Disaster Falls in a life jacket so sometimes in life it's better to be eddy'd out ... well, actually it's usually better to stay in the boat ... but I digress.)
Meantime, while you are waiting for the big moment when the world will change for you and everything suddenly is OK ... and that's how it will occur ... in a flash ... there are things you can do.
How much time do you really spend training for randori? If you are in a typical judo club, not much. Warm ups, uchikomi, twenty minutes of "randori." In most clubs ... and if I read in between the lines this is what is going on in your head ... randori is just shiai with more frustration. Instead ... if your instructor is open to it ... you might try different kinds of randori with agreeable partners ... to make that jump from the predictable to the successful surprise you hope to achieve.
- Yakusoku geiko. Trade throws with a partner in an agree-upon sequence. Could be "I'll move around, you throw me at the right time and when you can take my balance." Could be "I want you to push forward with your right hand over and over so I can throw you." You can make it even more specific if you are trying to build past a particular frustration "I want to attack with osotogari and have you pull the leg back at which time I will throw you with taiotoshi." Do these over and over and over and ...
- Connect three, connect five. Make three to five serious attacks with a neutral but live partner who does not, in this drill, does not know exactly what is coming. For example hit him with kouchigari and when he steps back catch him with ouchigari and when he steps out of that go on to osotogari and when he steps away from that attack and in running out of mat throw him forward with tewaza by the third, fourth of fifth reaction. Or just forward and back ... seoinage to kowaza, kowaza to koshiwaza ... side to side ... as uke circles ... etc. Key point is to attack one direction and then take advantage of uke's defensive body movement to attack in another direction. Think of a pendulum, or rocking a Coke machine until it falls over. They MUST connect ... any hesitation and you lose your turn and your partner takes a turn.
- Move, move, move, IN! In a group setting, assign uke and tori roles. Tori's job is to follow the voice command of the drill leader. Uke's job is to be neutral ... but not a rag doll. Leader commands "move him, move him, move him!" and tori moves uke in different directions. At odd intervals of 10 to 15 seconds the leader shouts "IN!" a which time tori throws uke without hesitation in the direction uke is moving at that moment, without further "set up" and certainly without stopping and doing a "static nagekomi." This is a more difficult drill than it seems, and forces tori sometimes to try throwing from awkward positions ... but it is the best drill I can think of to make you stop thinking about losing and just to throw.
- Do the bump. When you are getting tired, or hobbling a bit, try another special type of geiko. Separate from your partner, then each try to get a dominant grip in as few moves as possible ... then immediately either shake your partner before he can get two hands on ... or bump hips before he can shake you or bump your hip. Make sure the moment you get even one hand on your partner that you try to move him, break his balance a bit. The first to shake or do the bump "wins" and you IMMEDIATELY separate and start again. My guess is that this drill may help you best of all ... take the pressure off, put the emphasis on doing something effective to your partner.
Hope that helps ... good luck!